The Renaissance Woman

She seems awfully excited about faded denim and house slippers.

Why do you put an anchor next to this statement, then?

…it must be true.

I honestly don’t understand why people are so attached to their local slang.

That’s right ladies, start the bitchery from Day 1.

I just do not understand this attitude. If I was the husband, it would piss me off. Well, if I was the husband, I wouldn’t have married a woman like this.

ProTip: Always have someone proofread your tattoo art BEFORE going to the parlor. Preferably someone who understands grammar.

…and sneezes. Your eyes automatically close when you sneeze, so sneezes must be the best things!

Wait….what?

Don’t spoil what you have by wanting what you don’t have.

What you have now is something you once desired.

Soooo…. desiring what you have now is ok, but desiring more than what you have now is not? And since when does wanting something automatically negate the pleasure you can derive from what you already have?

Translation: Don’t fuck up.

“Shhh, baby. Be still and let me do all the work.”

…someone who can teach you the difference between “your” and “you’re”.