Archive | July, 2012

Sexy Squash

27 Jul

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Don’t you want to eat your vegetables, baby? Aaaaawwww yeaaahhhh.

Don’t Force

26 Jul

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“I love God and no I don’t want to force it down your throat, but have some HUGE CAPS, passive-aggressive attempt to do just that.”

Secrets

26 Jul

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“Secrets of a super mommy” and “fun” sounds awfully close to kidnapping techniques. I imagine “Santa did this to make sure they stayed in their rooms” followed by a healthy “bwa ha ha ha…” and “fun” spoken as though it is written with scare quotes. Heck, just imagine the whole caption as read by Vincent Price.

Easy

25 Jul

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Of course, it sucks to wake up early and workout and still not like what you see in the mirror, which is very commonly what happens. So it might be easiest in the long run to work on not hating yourself when you look in the mirror in the first place.

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That’s what she said

25 Jul

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The Power of Makeup

24 Jul

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“The power of makeup”: Making average, middle-aged women look like tarted-up hookers since the dawn of human history.

I don’t even…

24 Jul

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Let me fix that for you:

Trust doesn’t come with a refill. Once it’s gone, you probably won’t get it back. If you do, it will never be the same. That’s a fact!

No, wait. It still sounds like crap. Improving the punctuation and sentence structure can only go so far to cover up crappy contrivances.